When we went to the temple for what I hope will not be your last time ever, my heart was broken and contrite as I earnestly sought answers. While the main focus of my prayers was that you might regain that light and restore your faith, I personally felt great comfort.
At the beginning of the session, I felt light. I felt the Spirit testify of the truths of the plan of salvation and the power of being in a covenant relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Then, as I looked across the aisle to where you were sitting and saw that you did not appear content, my mind began to spiral. The light left and was replaced by dark thoughts—fears of the future, fears of how your lack of faith might affect our children, fears of an eternal life without you.
Then something changed. As I refocused on the plan of salvation and the eternities, I was reminded that we are spiritual beings here on earth for only a small moment in eternity, and that salvation—the life to come—is what truly matters. The light returned to me, and I felt peace and joy.
I was reminded of past positive experiences when we went to the Reno temple together before we were married. Of my plans to propose to you at the Temple. Of the amazing spiritual experience it was when Caleb went through the Temple for the first time and how powerful the spirit was on that day.
I felt so happy as I saw you in the Celestial Room, so calm, and the doubts and worries that had troubled me earlier were replaced with peace and the reassurance that come from being in a covenant relationship with Jesus Christ.
I felt so much peace, happiness and love. So much love for you — my wife of whom I have been eternally sealed.
Even though I cannot control your agency, I can trust in the power and blessings that come from keeping my covenants. I felt so much light and love at the end of the session and as we entered the Celestial Room. I know God is real, Jesus Christ is our Savior, and the light is real. I have felt it—and having that eternal perspective makes all the difference.
Please look for the light. Seek those experiences that allow it in your life.